I find it interesting how I have so many thoughts swirling around in my head, yet it doesn’t seem like I am actually thinking about anything at all. If I don’t sit down and force myself to think about things then it is as if I am merely floating through life.

Friday night Kenan and I hung out, and we watched the movie “Stardust”. I must say, that was a really enjoyable movie. Fun is probably the best way to describe it. I would completely recommend it to anyone - it was great!

Saturday Kenan and I worked on my truck for a while. Once we were done, he headed off to a family get together. Zac and I hung out for a while and were going to go to the Varsity Club to relax in the hot tub there. Mike was going to go with us, but he was unable to attend. On our way up there, our friend Jaclyn called about the time to hang out on Sunday. We invited her to go along and she accepted, so we turned around to pick her up. We had a good time relaxing in the hot tub. After that we went to Starbucks to reminisce about high school days and college days, as well as talk about where life is taking us now.

Sunday I went to church with Klotz and Zac. While there I ran into several different people, including my old lineman coach, Coach Walt. I really did enjoy Coach Walt! Even though he was the one that pushed me the hardest and made it really hard, he taught me to push myself, to push through the hard times, and push to meet the goals that I want to accomplish. After church Zac, Klotz and I went out to lunch. Then Chummel, Jac (Jaclyn) and Kenan came over. We watched “Stardust” again, since only Kenan and I had seen it. Everyone there really enjoyed it :-D. Then it was just Zac, Kenan and I, until Kenan’s fiance showed up. We ordered some Wooden Peel pizza and relaxed for a while. Eventually it was just Zac and I, and we didn’t do much of anything.

Today I got up at my leisure, and then relaxed for a while. Eventually I went to my grany’s house to hang out with my two little cousins, Geena and Kristian. After a few hours the rest of the family came and we had our Christmas dinner and then we opened up our gifts. Now I’m sitting here and relaxing.

I had a very good talk with my friend Zac about my decision. Right now it seems that making a decision would be fairly hasty - if God wants me to go, then the opportunity will still be present.

Being at home reminds me of a lot of different things about who I am, who I want to be, and who I don’t want to be. I’m reminded of old memories, old desires, as well as new hopes and dreams. It is interesting to have these worlds collide, and I’m wondering where I’ll end up on some of then.

A few years ago I contemplated blogging as the possibility of my family relocating to WI almost came to fruition. However, just as that never materialized, the same happened with my intentions to blog. Two weeks ago I was asked when I would begin blogging. I guess I’m answering that question today.

I am once again at home with my family in Michigan after completing my student teaching and thus the first half of my senior year. The past semester has been filled with incredible experiences and life lessons, some easier than others. Now that I’m home, life has seemed to slow down almost to a standstill and I’ve taken some time to catch up on communications. Last night I returned a call from a friend’s mom expecting that I would need to share some difficult news. Instead, I was relieved from that presumed duty and left quite encouraged from the conversation that ensued. I spent roughly a half an hour talking with a woman I’ve never met and was comforted by the things she said. Left with many thoughts, one that stuck out more than others was just the reminder of the blessing of friendship.

It sounds so simple and trite but over the past year especially I have experienced that need and that blessing more times than I can count. Looking back on those memories, and ahead towards whatever may be coming my way, I cannot begin to imagine life alone. Now that’s not alone in the sense that there is no one else around me, but alone in the sense that there is not a soul with whom I engage. As empty as I may feel at the end of some trying days, a complete lack and absence of outpouring of love and life would be even worse. It is quite a strange concept, is it not? Even stranger still is the search for a balance between pouring into others and ensuring that one reserves sufficient time to care for him/herself appropriately as well- physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc. Perhaps this is what is too commonly overlooked. In our intentions to care for others sometimes we neglect ourselves almost entirely. Probably not the best approach.

I was also reminded how easily we fall into disappointment with others in belief that they have in some way failed us because they’ve fallen short of our expectations. That was quite a sobering thought as I realized that I have most likely been a disappointment to several people these past months. Teaching changed the daily routine more than I had anticipated. Along with that, my social life also endured severe modifications, all extremely desirable considering my circumstances, even the ‘no activity after 10pm’ part. I slowly had to learn to be more intentional with those in my life and I don’t think I ever truly succeeded. I’m still trying and praying that they have patience with me.

Down by the creek the old willow tree stands, drooping its branches, desperately trying to lower itself into the ground. Hindered only by that wretched trunk which keeps it bound to the earth and thrust towards the sky.

It has no interest in the starry night or the golden fury of a warm, August morning. Burdened by some forgotten memory, it reaches lower with each passing year.

What sorrows have you seen that keep you in such mourning? How many winters has your gnarled self endured? Do the children playing in your shade fail to bring you joy?

Down by the creek the old willow tree stands, waiting for its long, unending winter.

This weekend Becky came down to visit. She met Austin, Linda, Becca and I at Head’s place in Muncie for our TU Christmas party. We had an amazing dinner, hung out, and eventually did a white elephant gift exchange. Then we came back to Marcus’s and my house in Indy.

Saturday we got up and didn’t do a whole lot during the day. Becky, Marcus and I watched “The Family Stone”, because “Stardust” isn’t out until the 18th. After that, Marcus made some fudge, so Becky helped him make it while I went out to get the necessary ingredients that they were missing. It had snowed Friday night, so the roads were fairly slippery. After we got the fudge done, we changed into some nicer clothes and picked Christine up. We went downtown and ate at the “R Bistro”, which is very tasty, and spent some time at the restaurant just chatting. After that we headed to the ITR to watch “Christmas Carol”. It was my first time seeing it and it proved to be very good.

The next morning we got up and saw the weather was pretty bad. We checked the news station to see if church was canceled (quite a few were), but ours wasn’t. So we piled into Marcus’s truck and went to church. There weren’t a lot of people there. After church the weather started to clear up, so Becky and I went Christmas shopping. I got most of the gifts that I needed to pick up. After that we came back and watched football with Marcus. Then the three of us went and saw “I Am Legend”. I thought it had very good potential, but it failed to deliver on a lot of that potential. So I’d give it a pretty average rating. My recommendation is to rent the movie, but not see it in the theater.

Lately I’ve been feeling like I’m just making it through. Life doesn’t seem very exciting. I do the same things over and over.

As I’m starting to wrestle with this, I’m realizing that has more to do with my attitude than it does with the things I’m doing. I haven’t been writing much lately, which is most often a sign that I’ve been lax in engaging. I’ve done a lot of things that entertain me instead of looking for things that will sharpen and challenge me.

When I put aside living a life of passion and purpose, I settle for a lackluster life. A life that seems gray and dreary. Dull. Boring. Repetitive. But when I push myself to demand more out of myself, life seems to be a little more joyful. A little fuller. A little happier.

Something that many people look to as a remedy for this is to change the external things. Friends, job, hobbies, etc. But instead it is a changing of the heart, of the mind.

I believe this is akin to how Christ wants us to live. So much of the Bible is about being intentional - not just coasting through life. The people in the Bible, and the people today, that seem to be the most content and the most happy with life are the people that engage life daily, instead of just passing through the days.

Perhaps this is also part of why people burnout - they don’t control their schedule, they don’t demand more from themselves. Life doesn’t have to dictate everything - and it can’t dictate your response to the situations that you find yourself in.

So what can I do about it? Take a little bit of time to enjoy life. Think a little bit more about things. Be a little bit more passionate. And, as always, be intentional.