Zane was at our house again yesterday - Marcus watches him every other Monday. Zane is ridiculously adorable. I’m not sure if anyone would say otherwise. He’s got eyes that suck you right in and a smile that will warm your heart and make you want to smile your biggest smile at him.

Then watching how Pat and Maya are with him - loving him, caring for him, and being completely enamoured with him.

Putting those things together, I wonder - if I’m ever a parent - what type of parent that I’m going to make. It’s so hard to imagine myself as a parent, but it’s a viable thing in the next few years. I’d like to think that I’ll be a good parent, but you never know. Will I make the same mistakes my parents did? Will I be too controlling? Too lax? Too strict? Not loving enough? Caring? Detached? Open? Closed? There are countless possibilities, and it’s scary to think what the different outcomes will be.

But I think that’s why we have to take it seriously and be extremely intentional about it. There’s no way you can know for sure. So take it one day at a time, make good decisions, and trust that God will work through you. That, at least, is where I’ve landed for the time being.

I mentioned earlier how writing is something that I’m finding I have a deep passion for. Here is a stab at it. Feel free to leave your comments, thoughts, suggestions, criticisms, etc. I call this “The Unfolding of the Dawn”. Each new line is meant to be interpreted as a pause where one sits and realizes something.

Deep unrest quickly falls
on the heavenly bodies

My wish skirts along the celestial
skyline like a fiery chariot

The sun rises boldly in the east

And this moment ……. unfolds

Into a hand entwined in mine

I look to see

… you …

connected to me

So, my second homecoming after graduating from college has come and gone. Last year I recall dreadfully missing college and the life that it afforded. Adding a year to the mix, I have come away missing college much less and appreciating the old memories I have from college, and relishing the new memories I just made.

It was good to step back into a time away from Indy with my friends. I didn’t have much of a schedule. It mostly consisted of doing whatever we wanted to do and just having fun together. Brandon (Rogers) made a statement that I found terribly interesting on his blog:

I don’t have jet lag. I think have life lag.

We’ve been doing a study at church lately about living a sustainable lifestyle. It sounds amazing inside the walls of the church. Stepping outside into reality, how is it supposed to look? What things can be cut? I’m not inundated by bad things. I’m inundated by good things.

How do you guys manage to keep life from flying at a break-neck speed?

Many of these thoughts come directly from the pastor of Exit 59 church in Gas City (from the sermon Sunday morning).

What exactly does it mean when you see the little “M” letter on a game? What does it mean when you see “Adult Content” on a movie? What does it mean when you see “Mature” slapped on something? The implication of all of these things is that it is for adults only.

But what makes it for adults? Because we don’t want our children to see these things? If that is true, why don’t we want them to see these things? Most of the time it is because we do not consider them mature enough to handle “Adult Content”. So as we mature it means that we are able to “handle” it?

Perhaps another way to spin it. The more mature we are, the more “Adult” rated content we can handle. But doesn’t this seem slightly backwards? Are these things actually more mature?

Some definitions for mature:

If I put together definition 3 with definitions 7 and 8, I get a picture that what it means to be mature is not quite what most of us think of when we think of mature. Perhaps to spin it another way, the world has completely mislabeled things when it calls them “Mature”. The only definition of mature that I can see fitting that correctly is of age.

So then, we want our children to grow up. We disapprove of them viewing such things. Yet when they “mature” it suddenly becomes alright. And the only reason we allow it for them when they get to a certain age is because we want to be able to do it ourselves. It is time for us to grow up.

Perhaps this is why Christ was so focused on children. They were how we are meant to be - not sexually explicit or graphic, not incredibly violent, but innocent, loving, gentle. I am not saying that there is not a time and a place for sexual behavior (in a marriage) or violence (in a war). But to use it as a means of adult entertainment is something that I’m starting to struggle with.

And if we justify watching it, is it too much of a leap to justify doing it? At least in small ways. Which can turn into a little bit bigger ways. Which can eventually come into full fruition as behaviors and habits that define who we are, far away from who we once considered ourselves to be.

So this is the call. To grow up. Or perhaps to grow “down” and act more innocent, more child-like. Be wise in your behaviors. Don’t justify the things you shouldn’t. Being an adult doesn’t mean you can do whatever you want to. We are still held accountable for our actions. Being “mature” isn’t a free pass to do and view what the world calls mature.

Thus far, homecoming has been a time of reflection for me. I do not feel as connected to the Taylor campus as I did last year. Because of this, I have been able to sit back and view some things. Standing in line for Airband was an interesting experience. I realize how very different it is to be a college student than any other point in your life. I also realized that point in life simply cannot go on forever; it is unrealistic and unreasonable to expect it to.

I’ve also began to ponder some about my professional life. What sorts of things do I want to do with my life? Do I want to sit and program a computer all day for the rest of my life? The answer to that question is easily no. I do not derive enough satisfaction from that. I yearn for more interaction with people. A more intellectual pursuit of things. A deeper studying of people. Of the Word. Of who God is.

As I’ve pondered what I’m passionate about and what gives me great satisfaction, I’m coming to realize how much I really love to write (note my previous post). Perhaps this is something that I could do for a career. I’ve begun to pray about it and really seek God’s wisdom in this matter. When people talk to me about things that I write I am encouraged and deeply satisfied with my work.

Last night I had a great conversation with my good friend 10-Speed. He was very encouraging about his view on my writing and how it impacts him. Knowing that even a few people enjoy what I write really produces a sense of purpose for me. But I love all sorts of different types of writing. I love to do a more research oriented writing where I have to pour over documents to glean a new thought or a new way of looking and things and express it through words. I dabble a little bit in poetry. And I even love to come up with stories.

In my mind (and in all of our minds I think) are countless worlds and ideas for us to explore. We only need to take the time and think about them. Make up a character in your mind and place him or her in a world, and follow that character. See who he or she meets.

Or start with a word or an idea. And let the emotions flow over that word and out through your hand. Let the gentle breeze of the spring flow blow through your words. Or let the crisp, fall air rustling through the red, gold and yellow leaves settle in the mind of your reader. Let your idea come into full fruition at your fingertips and challenge the minds of others. But whatever you do, do not let your thoughts and feelings come out silent, stillborn, because you were unwilling to speak.